The Gas Stove Burner

Welp, I can confirm it is past time for Karen’s return to The Old Dominion.

The other night I was awakened by a strange odor in the house.  Not a loud noise or bright light, or even the terrifying huffs of a dog making those pre-vomit burps.  No, this was a pungent, almost visible aroma; literally the kind that wakes you from a deep sleep.

No smoke alarm.

No carbon monoxide alarm.

So I threw back the covers, rolled my carcass onto the floor and crushed my toe by stumbling into the wooden footlocker full of “additional blankets” we keep at the foot of our bed.  I made it to the light switch and began my investigation. 

Drawing upon experience, from prior offensive smells, I was pretty sure this noxious fog was caused by one of three occurrences.  First, that Lady had killed something in the back yard and brought it into the house.

Two, that something had gotten itself stuck in the chimney or fireplace and died; or Three, the kitchen garbage was “On the Turn” from something I had disposed of and needed to go out.  Each of these events had previously occurred in my life and as such I was confident in my ability to handle the situation.

After 10 minutes of searching, and satisfied that none of these were the culprit, I sat on the kitchen floor to examine my banged up toe.  While sitting there, nearly three feet lower than my standing height, I got a strong whiff of the offending smell, and began crawling around on the floor sniffing for the source. 

Imagine my shock and confusion when I discovered the gas stove burner was turned ON to simmer, but not lighted!  Yep, just me filling the house up with propane since dinner… six hours ago!  uggh.

Because propane is heavier than air, the gas will settle to the lowest level possible. Outdoors, this generally isn't a concern, as the gas is usually quickly diluted in the atmosphere and dissipated through wind and other environmental factors.

So I promptly turned the burner OFF, locked up Lady in a bedroom, turned off all the interior and exterior lights, then proceeded to prop open all of the windows and doors, still adorned IN MY SEXY UNDERPANTS!!

Two weeks is too long to be unsupervised.