Socks

 A friend asks, “How is retirement going?”

Well, I get distracted easily. 

(pause for dramatic gasp)

(Yes, Karen is out of town, again)

Recently, during a break between reading a book and sipping on tequila, a thought occurred to me which may sound strange to at least a few of you; What would it feel like to get dressed for a return to the office?

For the last two months I’ve basically worn basketball shorts, T-shirts, and flip flops.  Even when I worked from home during COVID I would “dress” myself in a pair of pants and shirt with collar.  Dressing now is merely an effort to cover my sexy underpants so I can collect the mail without causing the neighbors to swoon.

Had “early retirement” been a wise decision?  Am I making productive use of my remaining time here?  Is this the beginning of simply giving up? 

Perhaps putting on some office attire would confirm or reject my decision to retire as wise.  I decided to test my hypothesis, put down my book, and proceeded to rummage through the bedroom dresser, figuring I’d start small with a pair of socks ~ no need for a full suit & tie after all. 

It took a minute to find them, but I knew exactly what I was looking for; my “confidence socks!” The ones I wore when I needed that extra boost of self assurance to get through the day. They are black, ultra thin, and compression stretch all the way up to the back of my knee without sliding down and balling up in my shoe!

Standing in front of our full length mirror, wearing nothing but these treasured gems, I thought to myself, “This is the ‘’look’’ favored by the confident man!”  I also recognized that being married to me requires a healthy sense of humor.

However, after the admiration of my ability to put matching socks on independent feet concluded, I lowered my hands from my hips and looked around our bedroom. The sad truth revealed that I have neglected my sock management. 

(Enter Distraction)

Sock organization may not be attractive to many people. Some of you may have socks that are not sorted, others may have some that are half-sorted, and some likely have socks unknown to you, balled up and thrown into multiple drawers of multiple dressers in various rooms.

I, for example, found hospital socks; a sad testament to the eleven surgeries this body has endured.  Why I have kept them I have no idea, but upon completion of an afternoon sorting, matching, folding and making drawer assignments, they are now easily accessible should I require a non-slip foot blanket.

I have 75 pair of fun dress socks

I have 30 pair of white socks

I have 11 pair of surgical socks

We’re “Sock Rich”

(Kids inheritance)  

Having remedied this travesty of neglect, I can now report my socks are managed and magazine ready, although ~ save for a significant event ~ most of them will never see the light of day again, for I am happy with my decision!

Without the noise and chaos of a full-time job, I am learning more about myself each day, and the distractions of being home are improving my quality of life.  

And regarding those special occasions when, for whatever reason, Karen wants me to wear something on top of my underwear?  Whatever she picks out will be just fine with me.